Wednesday, August 5, 2009

UTD, DTD, CM and other accromyms

Mr Bee and I have been planning our kids for years and cant wait to create our own little mini-Me's! So we got our insurance and finances planned and decided to start trying for one.

Last year when I was planning my wedding extravaganza I joined an Internet forum for brides-to-be. After our wedding was done and dusted and i was officially Mrs. Bee, I came across a previously ignored section of said forum about pregnancy and babies.

I thought this would be a great place to get some info from other ladies who are in the same situation but as I delved deeper into the site i discovered they were all talking in code!

After many hours and weeks of late night reading I have figured out how to make a baby:

1: Temping: you must check your temperature every morning with special thermometer

2: Check your CM (Cervical Mucous; Don't even ask how this is done!)

3: Keep track of your menstrual cycles

4: Make complex fertility charts using above information on FF (Fertility friend website)

5: Stop eating and drinking all the things you love most! Coffee, Alcahol, Chocolate.

6: Take Additional supplements such as EPO, Folate Robitussen (yes, the cough syrup!)

Then, and only then can you even thing about the fun parts!

7: BD: Baby Dancing : ) This can only occur during your most fertile period as often as humanly possible. Do try not to make your beloved feel like an on-call sperm bank! Its not conducive to your relationship outside the bedroom (or kitchen etc...if you like to mix it up!)

8: After your have DTD (Done the deed), you must lay down with your legs in the air to give his swimmers the best chance of finding your eggies

9: When you are happy you have DTD enough to need a chiropractic appointment you have the TWW (2 week wait) to see if AF (Aunty Flow: very retro!) arrives or you can POAS (Pee on a stick) with a HPT (Home Pregnancy Test) to see you were successful in you endevours!


So apparently getting pregnant is not as easy as they tell you in year 10 health class where they say even touching boys can get you with child! If you have managed to read all of this i bet you are wondering how the world got populated!

Saying that, I have a few friends who have fallen without even trying, some who have been unlucky enought to experience misscarriges and some who needed medical help to get their litle bundles of joy.

As someone who is just starting on this journey, I say take it easy and let the good times roll! (This will be the first time in your life your parents will be encouraging you to have sex hehehe!)

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